as usual, christmas alone again for this year.

on another note,
i miss youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

:(
i dun wanna fuck off

i love smelling like you and how it lingers,
oh paradise

two heart breaking moments in 1 day.
how much more can i take?

my heart's feeling all heavy,
empty.
its sinking deeper
than any sea i've been in.

what the fuck was i thinking?

just as i was about to give up.
how am i suppose to let go?
you keep pulling me back.
i thought you had forgotten about me.
hmm, i dunno.

i know deep down,
i miss you like crazy,
but its taking a toll on me.
i cared too much,
i waited too long,
i've done all i could to make you see.
you're not showing signs,
so i dunno.

I FUCKING DUNNOOOOO ANYMOREEE!
I GIVE UP!

i dreamt about you a few days back,
we had a marriage contract
written in white and black.

my parents and your parents were in it together,
until you got another marriage proposal.

but in the end i think i got you,
eventhough i had to pay a price for that.
i swear if it all came true,
if i got you,
i wouldn't live this life in regret.

stop living my life like im in some kind of movie.
love isn't always a lightning bolt, you know?
maybe sometimes it's just a choice.

maybe true love is a decision.
you know? a decision to take a chance with somebody,
to give to somebody
and not worrying whether they'll give anything back
or if they're gonna hurt you
or if they really are the one.

maybe love isn't something that happens to me.
maybe its something that i have to choose.
so what do i do?

true love is a process, not an event
and i need it to progreessss!

ohh my head.

i'll dream about you.
i will not doubt you, with the passing of time.

DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE WAS AWESOMEEEEEEEEE!
THANKS JEN!
THANKS ZAY!

i sleep and my eyelids droop,
a veil of innocence decends.
misleading mask,
so far from sin,
that no one knows the truth within.

i sigh and with each gentle breath,
my lips seem to be smiling.
beguiling smile,
that seems sincere,
on waking's but A force verneer.

i turn with movements like a child,
a hand outstretched for comfort.
by day that hand will seize and take,
all within reach for its owner's sake.

at dawn hat innocence will go,
with the first flutter of my lids.
on waking,
if i'd retain,
the look that does not search for gain.

to the one,

im near,
but there's still this distance.
im there,
but im not seen.
i speak,
but of great loneliness.
i exist,
only to be invisible.

no one here likes you!
go away,
get a clue!
go back to your fucking room,
or where you go to get a snooze!

i dont know why,
i dont like what's in your eyes!
i'd love to slit them wide!
and feed them to a bunch of flies!

i'd rather go to hell!
then shake your hand,
or wish you well!
in case you couldn't tell!

i could pretend.
why can't you understand?
i kinda hate you my friend,
and well,
that is the end!

GOODBYE!

Love;
if you don't stop for a second, you'll miss it, you'll miss me.

charge your batteries kids! feel the absence of bitter silence!

holy cow!
comeback kid wasssss fuckingg awesome!!!
haha im only updating it now -_-
i got their autograph on my shirt and cap!
but i think they destroyed the shirt with their signitures,
but my cap's wonderful!
got to hang out with them for like 20 mins at feroze house!
hell yeahhhhhh!
talked to them and we even shared the same towel!
hahahah im so sick.
we took a group pic but mel and feroze
and alot of others weren't in it.
WAASSSTEDDD!!




















COME BACK SOON, COMEBACK KID!

my heart races, races.
my heartbeat increasing, increasing.
you make me nervous, nervous.
please, oh please looove me.

you're the best, hands down.

i'd come to your show just to hear about your day :)

ahhh!! work=stress!!!
fuckin stresssssseeeddd!!
everyday get scolded from boss!!
aiiyyyaaahhh!!
dont want!! dont want!!
no more!! no more!!
run away!! RUN AWAYY!!!!
*please dont make me order stuffs.

MANE NAK AJAK!?

tired tired tired tired tired tired
tired tired tired tired tired tired
tired tired tired tired tired tired
tired tired tired tired tired tired
tired tired tired tired tired tired
tired tired tired tired tired tired

thats all, im going to sleep!
work! work! work! work!

2nd day of work and i was 2hours late.
my boss asked me to open shop,
but my collegue said no need
and asked me to come at 1.30.

ahhhhhhhhhhh only 2nd day!
so many mistakes!
supposed to open shop at 10!
i woke up at 11.10 and boss called.
i rushed! bathed!
i was out of the house by 11.35.
HOW FAST IS THAT!?

took a taxi and reached esplanade at 12?
HOOWWW FASSSTTTT ISSS THHHAATTT!?
less than an hour to get ready and reach workplace!!
HOWW DDAAAMMMNNN FAASSSTTT ISSSS THHHAATT!??

12pm to 10.30pm=10hr30mins
tired like fuck, but not sleepy.

how nice issit?
a few hours before my first training day
and im sick.
why pick today out of the 2 months at home?
i've got no appetite to eat,
i think thats good cos i need to lose some weight.
actually, not some.
ALOT! ALOT! ALOT!
i think i cant listen to music anymore.
everytime i do, i get headaches.
WHY??

AND! AND! AND!
we'll be celebrating my small sis bday tmrw too!

"will it rain today?"
"no, but it will tomorrow."

i think i've found a job.
thank you very much jen for recommending me to your boss.
i hope i dont mess things up.
i'd be good if i get hired.

come and keep me company at the convenient store at esplanade.
the one on the 1st floor.
the one by the doors.
ah, that one.
come come.

i need some excitement right about now!

i don't like to be alone.
i don't like keeping quiet
but i can't help it.

i wish for a job.
i wish i could be a useful person even for just a moment.
i wish for lots of things but they don't really come true.
so why wish in the first place?

wishes are for children.
i can't be one anymore.
i have to buck up man.
my life is like a dead line.
I am like a dead line.
it runs and runs but there's no heartbeat.

i'm waiting for someone to knock some sense into me.
now i talking nonsense.
arrggghhhh!

i could write all day long,
but thennnnn.
nevermind.

ok now im looking for jobs on the internet.
byebye

is it new year or what?
hmmm? hmmmm? hmmmmmmmm?

hello 2008.
im gonna be 19 this year.
is that fuckin old or what?
hmmm? hmmmm? hmmmmmmmm?

application for higher nitec = closed
i didnt apply for anything yet.
"still need permission from my elder sister" crap
its my life,
my education,
my future.
why should she take part in that?
why cant i decide on my own like she did 4 years ago?
im not asking for anyone's money.
i just need a year to save the fees for private school.
a year's not really long.
look how 2007 just flew out my window?
"2007 travelled at the speed of light like in some comic"

well, speaking of 2007
i kind of miss it.
2007 was a pleasant year for me.
all the memories shared among a bunch of friends.
i dont know what's in store for me this 2008.
i hope it'd be good stuff
but i think my good years are those ending with an odd number.
2005? 2007?
hmmm? hmmmm? hmmmmmmmm?
*shrugs*

now, i need a job.
job is in need of me.
so which/what will it be?